Hang On to Your Panties

     I’ve had some interesting co-workers. Some have been really fun and I’ve learned a lot from them. Some I wish I could unlearn a great deal of what I’ve learned about them. Take for example Don and his wife Tracy. Don wanted to buy my underwear, the ones I was wearing at that very moment, Tracy was fine with this. Yes, they were one of those ‘friendly’ couples, always looking for other ‘friendly’ couples to hang out with. I was startled, I was young and in the workplace you really aren’t prepared for that. Hell, at a bar you aren’t ready for that. He kept asking and I kept refusing. Eventually after some time of him bugging me about it I told him it’d cost him $50. To my horror he agreed. I told him he’d have to pay the money to my very tall and formidable-looking boyfriend and that’s what ended this bidding war for my panties. A few weeks passed and a manager from another department came to me and said he wanted to ask me a question but didn’t want to offend me. I gave him the o.k. to ask. His question was “were you really offered $50 for a pair of your panties?” I told him that it was a true story and that Don was a disgusting idiot. To this the manager shook his head and said, “Wow, he could’ve had all my underwear for $50 if he’d only have asked me.” Such are the missed opportunities in life.

 

            Don and Tracy were eventually let go from employment but between ‘panty-gate’ and the actual terminating there were other bizarre encounters. Tracy worked in my department and I was absolutely professional to the point it was painful with her. I mentioned nothing personal for fear it would seem like an opening or as encouragement. That didn’t stop her. She would ask about my boyfriend, who later became my husband and then even later became my ex-husband. I would tell her nothing but in the most polite way I could manage. I think she grew tired of the evasions on my part because eventually she made a very blunt comment about how she’d have to sleep with Shane sometime and I’d have to sleep with Don and how cute Shane was. To this I only replied that ‘yes, Shane was very cute’ (Don was a troll but that’s beside the point) and walked away. At least she didn’t tell me how cute I was but maybe that was to be brought up later. Ick.

 

            I remember the day I found out that they were sexual harassing other people behind my back. It was a black day. It was hard on me. I felt a little betrayed when I heard of the other ‘friendly’ offers made to people in our facility. Offers to buy underwear off the behinds of other girls were made. I was shocked that I never saw this coming. I was a fool. I was hurt. I ran through all of the emotions. I thought that what we had was special and just for me. Ah, how fickle people can be. Or, perhaps I was simply relieved that they were equal-opportunity harassers and I was in an elite group.